I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
