ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
