She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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