I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
