The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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