I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So much rum. So many feels.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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