so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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