TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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