Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
