I bet he comes in French.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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