I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
