Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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