Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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