The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
