The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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