these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
