I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
