Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
