I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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