Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
