i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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