I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
