NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
