She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
