I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
