Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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