I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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