best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
