we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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