I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
