I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
BRING THE BAGELS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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