Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
