i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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