she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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