get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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