I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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