I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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