saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
