Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
