I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
