I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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