Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
