Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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