why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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