Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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