Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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