so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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