The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
