dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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