I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
