I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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