I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
