This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
