THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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