he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
