sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
