nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My vagina is officially offended.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
