what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
