i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
