Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
