Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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