is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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