y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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