Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
