It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
