He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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