20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
