Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
