They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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