You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
