Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
