its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
