you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
