so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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