Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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