Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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