so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
