I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
