dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
