Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she told me i tasted like america
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
