I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
