you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
