Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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